aging

LeRoy Smith was a blind Methodist preacher married to Mary, who had Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). May is Older Americans Month. A time to recognize the aging process – and the older role models that we all know and admire – like Leroy and Mary. LeRoy and Mary taught me four life-long, valuable lessons.

LeRoy was a brilliant student, had a trained opera-quality voice. He mastered piano and violin and wrote a couple of books. LeRoy and Mary met in college and became an item for many years. She was equally intelligent, and could be a bit too outspoken for some. She also became a minister.

LeRoy was an excellent preacher. Of course he used Braille when needed. His sermons were based on well-researched scholarship. No shallow bumper sticker sermonizing from LeRoy!

LeRoy’s ambitions to serve a large Methodist Church were thwarted by a bishop who told him bluntly, “LeRoy, no one wants a blind preacher! They don’t know what to do with you!” This comment made Mary more outspoken – in an era when preacher’s wives or women ministers were supposed to know their place at the piano or helping serve the punch at the Women’s Circle meeting or in Christian education.

So, LeRoy and Mary served small parishes, often not more than a few years at a time. She was his eyes, his driver, and his help-mate in life. It was a great love story.

My life intersected with Mary and LeRoy when Methodist leaders approached my organization because Mary and LeRoy had retired and needed to be at Wesley Woods. Mary’s ALS had taken its toll, but the couple had stubbornly resisted giving up their independence – Both were two of the most stubborn, hard-headed people I’ve ever known. As I got to know them better, I knew why – and admired that quality more and more about them.

And while I came to admire that quality more and more as I got to know them better, it was that stubbornness that also almost caused a car wreck. Mary was at the wheel when her arms and hands suddenly failed her. There were previous incidents. Friends tried to intervene, but there is always that tension between letting someone like Mary and LeRoy be stubborn even when it rubs against danger to themselves and others. Our meeting in Los Angeles will explore these issues with the theme “Who Decides?”

Losing control of the steering wheel was the sobering moment for LeRoy and Mary. Wesley Woods got the call: Mary and LeRoy need Wesley Woods – now! And, they had no money. She needed skilled care. Expensive. He could live by himself but I made him move to intermediate care because of my own bias about his blindness at the time. He badgered me so much- often in front of large church audiences – that I finally allowed him to move to independent living, where he did quite well. He never failed to remind me of this fact in front of often large church audiences. Leroy was right, I was wrong. Congregations got a kick out of the story.

Lesson Number One
Leroy, speaking about his experiences with me and with the bishop, once said, “Larry, blindness has never been as difficult as people’s attitudes about my blindness.” The lesson applies to our biases about many people with so-called “disabilities.”

A shocking, perspective for me at that time. LeRoy went to work for Wesley Woods. As I mentioned, he and Mary needed financial help. Wesley Woods had a modest fund raising program, but we had increasing demand for financial help for ever increasing Medicaid gaps (sound familiar?) and fall-through-the-cracks charity situations. The North Georgia Conference of the United Methodist Church recognized that growing need and allowed us to create “The Mother’s Day Offering” in our 700-plus churches to pass the hat once a year.

LeRoy became our early key spokesperson. He’d tell congregations that Wesley Woods was there for him and Mary at the time of need – and that there are others who need help. The offerings grew. LeRoy was still a great preacher, singer and pianist. Sometimes, I became his designated driver to these events. Our staff took turns. Sometimes LeRoy took the Greyhound bus, unbeknownst to us. Stubborn independence.

Lesson Number Two
Mary’s condition deteriorated. LeRoy visited every day, of course. We had a chaplaincy training program. Mary and LeRoy were popular “trainers.” Mentors both. The second great lesson came from Mary. As I said earlier, Mary had an edge. They were always amateur chaplains trying to get behind that angry veneer to probe the depths of Mary’s psyche and soul. Good practice, I suppose.

One day, I am told a chaplain intern took a run at Mary’s anger with the question: “Mary, don’t you ever get angry with God about being so sick?” Mary flared instantly, “Why of course not! God doesn’t make people sick. God heals people now or in the next life. Don’t you read your Bible? Jesus Christ went about healing!” Lesson two, case closed.

Of course, LeRoy far outlived Mary. What a team they were.

Lesson Number Three
As fate would have it, LeRoy became reacquainted with another resident named Ruby Shaw who lived in another Wesley Woods community. Ruby was blind and poor. An almost full charity care situation. She was also a talented singer with a sharp wit. They had met as young people at the Georgia School for the Blind years earlier. But both graduated, married and went their separate ways. LeRoy and Ruby became an item at Wesley Woods in their 80′s. They would team up at churches. He’d preach and play the piano, Ruby would sing in a high, quivering voice that was long since unable to carry a tune, but when she sang and he played – not a dry eye in the congregation. And offertory plates ran over. Which brings me to the third great lesson: It’s never too late for love – even new love after a long-standing great love!

Lesson Number Four
And finally, the fourth lesson: There is an ever-growing charitable need that you and I serve, that donors will support us if we tell our story and ask people to help us. Because real people like Mary, LeRoy and Ruby need it.

Mary, LeRoy, Ruby….at least four lessons about the real story of aging.